Dean Kapolas suffered from a crippling self-hatred when he first started at 91制片厂
College seven years ago, unable to live authentically.
The 18-year-old鈥檚 debilitating mindset perpetuated his drug abuse. His struggle with mental illness impeded his ability to be productive. He eventually withdrew from college 鈥� and most anything in his life considered positive or healthy.
The bottom later dropped out when his roommates kicked him out, leaving him homeless.
鈥淚 had a moment in my car trying to fall asleep thinking, 鈥楾his is not for you. You need to ask for help,鈥欌�� Dean said. 鈥淏ut it was hard. I always had the mentality that I wouldn鈥檛 live past 25 years old. I couldn鈥檛 imagine a future, so I lived my life like that.鈥�
At the time, Dean was still Danielle, who was assigned female at birth.
He turned to his parents, who helped get him into a 12-step addiction recovery program. He got clean. Slowly, his self-worth started to materialize, as did a determination to live as the person he had long known he really was.
鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 able to live as me for a long time,鈥� Dean, now 26 and living in Palatine, said. 鈥淏ut I made it through and emerged as trans.鈥�
Dean returned to 91制片厂 in fall 2016, right around the time he began his transition as a transgender man. This time, he was ready 鈥� and receptive to possibilities.
Dean committed to his studies and discovered a passion for psychology. He got involved in the psychology club and volunteered at places like the Community Crisis Center in Elgin. He spent time at the gym and embraced mindfulness and meditation, leading to a healthier lifestyle and significant weight loss.
He was also invited to join 91制片厂鈥檚 Honors Program and found strength in connecting with his professors and classmates.
鈥淭hese are people who truly care about different perspectives,鈥� he said. 鈥淏eing part of that has really helped me regain hope. They see something in me that I鈥檓 still working to find.鈥�
Monica Edwards, professor of sociology, said Dean is the kind of student who teachers can both teach and learn from.
鈥淒ean is a courageous student, willing to put himself fully into the learning process 鈥� allowing for creativity and mistakes and thus humanity 鈥� and willing to deeply explore and understand the lives of others,鈥� Edwards said.
Dean jumped at the opportunity to present at three collegiate honors conferences, where he explored the psychological, sociological and biological aspects of being transgender, whether men can be feminists, and how faculty can better welcome and integrate the LGBTQ community into their classroom. He also served on a panel examining diversity at the National Collegiate Honors Council鈥檚 annual conference in Boston.
Professor Alicia Tomasian reflected on the poise and personality Dean showed on the panel, who for the most part were people of color.
鈥溾�業 bet you're wondering what this white guy is doing up here,鈥欌�� Tomasian recalled Dean saying. 鈥淭he room broke out in laughter. From there, he smoothly transitioned into the deadly serious risks trans students face on our campuses and in life, while his audience sat on the edge of their seats. Dean has that magic combination of mastery in an academic field and the ability to present that mastery in compelling ways.鈥�
His strides were recognized earlier this year when he was named a semifinalist for the Jack Kent Cook Undergraduate Transfer Scholarship, a highly selective scholarship that advances the education of exceptionally promising students who have financial need. Though he wasn鈥檛 ultimately selected, he鈥檚 honored to have gotten so far in the process.
Dean is wrapping up some additional classes this month after earning his associate degree last December. He鈥檒l leave Harper with a 4.0 GPA and transfer to a four-year college 鈥� he鈥檚 leaning toward Lake Forest College or the University of Minnesota 鈥� to study psychology and gender studies. Though he still grapples with the idea of long-term goals, he鈥檚 starting to envision himself as a practicing psychologist who also teaches in academia.
Dean is grateful for the support 91制片厂 has offered as he continues his evolution 鈥� from Hawks Care, which provided food when he couldn鈥檛 afford to buy a meal, to the faculty who empowered him through his transition. Before, he said, he felt worthless; that changed with the recognition he belonged in the 91制片厂 community.
To his own amazement, Dean now finds himself on the receiving end of requests for help. People who are transitioning or know someone who is have reached out seeking guidance or just a comforting ear.
鈥淚 tell them that I don鈥檛 have all the answers, but I鈥檓 here to take this walk with you,鈥� Dean said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 unbelievable, really. I couldn鈥檛 have imagined myself ever being where I am now.鈥�